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Joe Blevins 
"Don't I look handsome?"
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 Posted - 07/12/2009 : 19:15:10
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Now here's a weird one:
44. Messiah of Evil
"There's a mess all right, but no messiah!" - THE VIRGIN MANDY (TERRY JONES)
This is a dreamy, free-association-type horror flick from 1972, cooked up by the husband-and-wife team that would cowrite American Graffiti with George Lucas just a year later. A pretty young lady, Arletty, narrates her tale of woe from the asylum where's she's been committed. It seems her artist father had gone missing, and she went to an eerie little town called Point Dune to look for him. The locals she encountered there were whacked-out and not terribly helpful, and the only one who would even talk to her at length was a brash, rather elegant young man named Tom, who'd come there with his two sexy female "traveling companions." (I had to wonder if Tom was named for author Tom Wolfe, since this character goes through the whole movie wearing white three-piece suits.)
I've already described this one as "dreamy" and being "free association," which should give you a hint that Messiah of Evil is not exactly a tightly-plotted narrative. This is more like a series of waking-nightmare scenarios: a woman stumbles through a grocery store at night and finds people feasting on raw meat at the butcher's department; a movie theater slowly fills up with zombies; a sinister albino chows down on a live mouse (or rat, I forget), etc. This one features turns by Elisha Cook, Jr., playing one of his many crazy-old-bum characters, and the delightfully named Joy Bang, playing one of her many free-spirited-hippie-chick characters. (This was Ms. Bang's last big movie before she quit acting to become a nurse.)
Is there a connection at all between this movie and American Graffiti? Well, yes, sort of. The outward normalcy and dullness of Point Dune is stressed over and over again, and there are a few disparaging references made to the "stucco" buildings. The gas station is a Mobil; the supermarket is a Ralph's. In short, Point Dune is very similar to the Modesto, CA we see in American Graffiti, except that its residents are soulless zombies. Viewed this way, American Graffiti becomes a horror story: you either get the heck out of Modesto or you succumb to the fate of living death. Poor Ron Howard and Cindy Williams! |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 07/12/2009 : 22:26:32
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Ugh! I don't feel so hot:
45. Virus
Employing a cast of international stars (Glenn Ford! Robert Vaughn! George Kennedy! Chuck Connors!) and commissioning a florid theme song from "Society's Child" hitmaker Janis Ian, the producer of this 1980 Japanese disaster flick supposedly had dreams of international box-office sugar plums dancing in his head. But like the doomed hero of "Midnight Train to Georgia," he sure found out the hard way that dreams don't always come true. (Uh-uh! No! Uh-uh!) Instead, Virus was a king-sized flop and hit our shores only as a pay-cable offering, eventually being vanquished to the bargain bin and cheap DVD sets like this.
Frankly, it's no great loss. Admittedly, the first third of this flick is dynamite. A seemingly unstoppable bioengineered virus, MM88, is hijacked from a research lab, leading to a devastating international plague. The politicians, led by Glenn Ford as the President of the United States, barely have time to go through the five stages of grief before MM88 (a.k.a. "the Italian flu") has wiped out 99.9999999999% of the populace. Denial, bargaining, anger, and depression simply whiz by, and acceptance has settled in by the 40-minute mark or so. This leads to a great scene between Ford and Vaughn, as two former political adversaries who are now confined to a sick room that was once the Oval Office.
Apparently, the virus can't thrive in extremely cold temperatures, so the "action" (or non-action) of the film now shifts to Antarctica. This part of the film is anchored by George Kennedy and concerns the efforts of the survivors -- bickering representatives of various countries -- to get along and plan their survival strategy. There are only eight women in Antarctica, apparently, so the talk soon turns to how best to divvy them up for babymaking purposes. This is all handled in the slowest, dullest, talkiest way possible. Sonny Chiba even turns up here, but his role is so inconsequential and un-Sonny-Chiba-ish that I'm not even going to bother putting his name in boldface type.
The filmmakers must have realized the middle section of this movie was going nowhere, so they cooked up a crisis for Act III: a looming earthquake which will set off some missles which, in turn, will set off some other missles, destroying everything including Antarctica! Now it's up to a few brave volunteers (led by Bo Svenson) to head back into highly-contagious Washington D.C. to somehow deactivate that first set of missles. Will they make it in time? It's a race against the clock, but the movie inexplicably slows down even further here. There's a prolonged fistfight scene involving Svenson's character and an interminable sequence of the women and children boarding a ship. We even watch Svenson's submarine sink slowly, slowly, ever so slowly into the water as Ferrante-&-Teicher-type "beautiful music" blares on the soundtrack.
Virus was the third viral outbreak movie of the project so far, and even though it's much more skillfully made and acted than either Panic or The Alpha Incident, it's not a great deal of fun, especially once the "Antarctica" plot kicks in. The first third of this movie, however, is pretty extraordinary.
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Edited by - Joe Blevins on 07/12/2009 22:28:31 |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 07/13/2009 : 01:23:55
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"Have pins, will travel" reads the card of a man:
46. I Bury The Living
This is one of those movies you might catch on TV at one o'clock in the morning, causing you to have weird flashbacks years later because of its gruesome title and absolutely bizarre premise. You might be sitting through yet another meeting at work on a Tuesday afernoon and suddenly remember that you once saw a movie in which the guy from Have Gun, Will Travel could kill people just by sticking black pins in a map of a cemetery. And wasn't the dad from the old Dennis the Menace sitcom in it, too? And Theodore Bikel, for some reason playing an elderly Scotsman, even though he's Austrian and was about 34 at the time?
Yes, all of that is true. I Bury the Living exists, and it contains all that stuff I described in the last paragraph. Department store president Richard "Paladin" Boone reluctantly takes over the management of a cemetery and finds that when he sticks black pins into certain plots drawn on a map, the owners of those plots suddenly drop dead. Could he really have power over life or death? To its credit, I Bury the Living takes this looney premise and runs with it. Boone's paranoia and guilt increase exponentially, and he's soon hitting the booze and having crazy hallucinations and nightmares. Herbert Anderson, the uber-bland dad from Dennis the Menace, is on hand as a reporter who tries to keep Boone grounded in reality, while Bikel hams it up outrageously as Andy McKee, the Scottish caretaker who's being put out to pasture after "forty years of service." (Bikel himself had not even been alive forty years when he made this flick.) McKee's Scottish accent is the kind you'll normally find in cartoons and comedy sketches. If The Simpsons ever does an I Bury the Living parody for one of its Halloween specials (and I think they should), this will be a showcase role for Groundskeeper Willie.
I Bury the Living is one of the better Chilling Classics I've seen, and it's certainly in the running for Zaniest Underlying Concept. I'm thinking of having a kind of Academy Awards ceremony for these flicks when I reach the end of this project, with awards for Best Picture, Worst Picture, etc. Maybe I'd call them the Chillies. What do you think? |
Edited by - Joe Blevins on 07/13/2009 01:34:19 |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 07/13/2009 : 03:27:17
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Speaking of possible follow-up projects, I mentioned earlier that I had an 8-pack of films from Crown International Pictures. This one's called After Dark Thrillers: 8 Movie Collection, though some of the films in it have appeared on other, similar DVD collections like Drive-In Cult Classics. If you've been through the bargain bins, you'll know the sets I'm talking about: the ones where the various logos of the individual films are arranged at the bottom of the front cover. I swear, Pick-Up must be on three or four of these sets.
Anyway, arranged by IMDb rating (and using number of votes as a tie-breaker), the list would go like this:
1. Click: The Calendar Girl Killer (2.2)
2. French Quarter (3.8)
3. Night Club (4.0)
4. Hot Target (4.7)
5. Double Exposure (4.8)
6. Blue Money (5.0)
7. Pick-Up (5.0)
8. Separate Ways (5.5)
The films range in vintage from 1972 to 1990. Stars include Karen Black, Troy Donahue, Ross Hagen, Sybil Danning, Tony Lo Bianco, Bruce Davison, Virginia Mayo, David Naughton, and Seymour Cassel.
Interested...?
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Edited by - Joe Blevins on 07/13/2009 03:28:54 |
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Conan The Westy 
"Father, Faithful Friend, Fwiffer"
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Posted - 07/13/2009 : 10:28:46
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| I eagerly await your next DVD set to review Joe. Iwas becoming a little despondent at the thought of number 50 being reached and the commentary being switched off. |
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demonic
"Cinemaniac"
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Posted - 07/13/2009 : 14:22:24
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Need you ask? You're doing a public service by watching some awful films so I'll never have to and pointing out a few that I think I might enjoy. Not as interested in after dark thrillers as I am by cheap horror movies, but frankly - reviews by Joe = win/win situation. Keep 'em coming.
Definitely do a summary for us when you're done as well - the Chillies sound great. |
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randall 
"I like to watch."
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Posted - 07/13/2009 : 15:26:19
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| Yes, the Chillies! This is a terrific thread! |
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Larry 
"Larry's time / sat merrily"
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Posted - 07/13/2009 : 15:40:28
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What they said  |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 07/13/2009 : 23:27:22
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I didn't want to stop writing these posts either, so I'm glad there's enough interest to justify my Thrillers follow-up project. I'm not sure why I was so keen to pick up that particular set, and I'm equally unsure as to why I never got around to actually watching it. Perhaps I was enticed by the cover photo, which I think is of the always-alarming-looking Sybil Danning, or maybe it was the promise of a movie with both Karen Black and Tony Lo Bianco in it. I think I got the set home, looked up some of the titles on IMDb and thought, "Well, there's ten bucks down the drain." Now at least I'll get some use out of it. (SIDE NOTE: Ten bucks for only eight movies? Crown International is no Mill Creek Entertainment when it comes to value!)
The coverage of 50 Chilling Classics will end with the Chillies, named in honor of both the boxed set itself and classic horror host Chilly Billy Cardille. I'm already going over my notes on the previously-watched movies, narrowing down a few nominees for the main categories. Of course, the four supposedly "best" movies are still to come, so perhaps those will change the game entirely.
As for future projects of this nature, I have in my possession a stack of Disney VHS tapes I got from a cousin who worked for a once-great, now-defunct video store chain called Michigan Video. Some of the movies are famous (Aladdin), while others are largely forgotten (Candleshoe). There's even a copy of Song of the South in there! In any event, these tapes have been languishing in a shelf in my kitchen (!) for some time, and they're all movies I've either never seen or have not seen in years. Perhaps after I'm done with my chillers and thrillers, it would be a nice change of pace... as well as an elegy for the fast-disappearing era of VHS.
Tomorrow, the Chilling Classics project continues with a review of a movie that's actually well-liked: Horror Express. Headin' into the homestretch. |
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demonic
"Cinemaniac"
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Posted - 07/14/2009 : 01:53:26
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quote:
Originally posted by Joe Blevins
I'm already going over my notes on the previously-watched movies, narrowing down a few nominees for the main categories. Of course, the four supposedly "best" movies are still to come, so perhaps those will change the game entirely.
I'm looking forward to your report on #1: Profundo Rosso. I watched it for the first time only a few weeks ago online. I will say no more for the time being.  |
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Sean
"Necrosphenisciform anthropophagist."
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Posted - 07/14/2009 : 04:20:58
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I'm looking forward to the review for No. 49, the only one of the 50 I've seen.
BTW Joe, do you score movies at IMDb when you watch them? I do. If so, I'd be interested in seeing your scores. |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 07/14/2009 : 16:43:16
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quote:
Originally posted by Se�n
I'm looking forward to the review for No. 49, the only one of the 50 I've seen.
BTW Joe, do you score movies at IMDb when you watch them? I do. If so, I'd be interested in seeing your scores.
I do not, generally. I was looking through my own vote history, and the votes seem to be fairly arbitrary. Apparently, I felt The Right Stuff merited only a 6, while The Invisible Maniac was a 10. Hmmm. Frankly, I've given just about everything a 10 regardless of quality. Kinda embarrassing, actually.
Here it is if you're interested.
Weirdly, I've also had one comment deleted from the IMDb. Here it is:
quote:
"Bananas in Pyjamas" (1992)
A strange and disturbing vision, 16 June 2001
(This comment was deleted by IMDb based on an abuse report filed by another user)
"Bananas in pajamas... are coming down the stairs..."
So goes the catchy theme song to perhaps the most frightening television show ever produced. The BiPs look like escaped convicts, and they live in a surrealist nightmare world where nothing is as it should be. This is guaranteed to give children nightmares. Avoid at whatever cost.
For the record, I stand behind that comment 100%.
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 07/15/2009 : 03:35:18
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Stop! Hammertime! Well, almost:
47. Horror Express
"But what if one of you is the monster?"
"Monster?!? We're British!"
This is not a Hammer production, but it does feature Hammer's two biggest stars: Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing. I'm not sure what they were paid for this one, but they earned every penny. These two actors are in top form -- witty, dashing, authoritative, and impeccably dressed -- as two Brit scientists in the early 1900s, sharing a train ride from China with an ancient fossilized ape-man who turns out to be not so dead (and has gnarly mind powers to boot). Horror Express is a crazy, overstuffed flick which, in addition to the prerequisite creature, includes a Rasputin-like monk, people getting the tops of their heads sawed off, and (almost as an afterthought) zombies. If all that wasn't enough, Telly Savalas all but hijacks the last half-hour of the movie as some kind of Russian official, and it's a treat to see how the New-York-born Savalas' brusque personality plays against the cool British reserve of Cushing and Lee. Everyone here seems to be having a good time.
A flaw shared by many of the Chilling Classics is that they take themselves far too seriously and end up being dour and depressing rather than fun, scary, and exciting. This is a problem that has plagued us since movie #1, Track of the Moon Beast, a goofy monster flick which is a real downer for most of its second half. Luckily, the makers of Horror Express knew better and kept things light and entertaining (with lots of humorous dialogue) until the casualty-heavy finale. Even the makers of Track of the Moon Beast knew to save something big for the climax, and Horror Express does not let us down in this department either. There's a rather spectacular conclusion to this tale, and the filmmakers wisely decided against a prolonged denouement. I'm sure, after all, that Cushing, Lee, and Savalas all had other things to get to after this one wrapped.
I mentioned a few posts back that Jack Palance had a track on one of the Golden Throats albums. (If you aren't familiar with those albums, they are compilations of rock and pop songs as covered by celebrities.) Yes, Telly apparently decided it was a good idea to cover "Something" from the Beatles' Abbey Road LP.
But why torture yourself when you could be watching this delightful clip of Christopher Lee singing "Name Your Poison," an ode to alcohol penned by Rocky Horror's Richard O'Brien?
And once again, Horror Express can be viewed for free online and is well worth your time. |
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randall
"I like to watch."
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Posted - 07/15/2009 : 22:11:22
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| Joe, I actually went and bought this package so I could go back and follow behind you. I love the tone you strike in these capsule reviews. I may not have the patience to see THE END on every one of them, but I will give each one a proper spin. |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 07/16/2009 : 02:16:40
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quote:
Originally posted by randall
Joe, I actually went and bought this package so I could go back and follow behind you. I love the tone you strike in these capsule reviews. I may not have the patience to see THE END on every one of them, but I will give each one a proper spin.
Thanks! Good luck getting through all/some/a few of these flicks. I've tried to give each film the benefit of the doubt in these reviews, and these posts have been my attempts to convey what it's like to actually sit through these things all the way through. I hope I've given some indication which flicks are actually enjoyable and which are torturous. |
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My summer film project: 50 Chilling Classics
