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demonic 
"Cinemaniac"
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 Posted - 07/20/2009 : 01:06:23
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Fantastic Joe. The award for the most entertaining thread on FWFR for the last 12 months goes to....
My summer film project: 50 Chilling Classics! |
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Joe Blevins 
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 07/20/2009 : 02:57:50
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quote:
Originally posted by demonic
Fantastic Joe. The award for the most entertaining thread on FWFR for the last 12 months goes to....
My summer film project: 50 Chilling Classics!
Thanks so much for saying so. This project was meant to get me out of two separate ruts. I had gotten out of the habit of watching movies regularly, and I hadn't written anything in months. Along the way, I managed to learn some things from these movies:
1. Islands are bad. Stay away from 'em.
2. The woods? Also bad. Stay away from those, too. You want nature? Watch Animal Planet.
3. Do not under any circumstances return to your family homestead after a long absence. This especially applies if the homestead in question is a castle or large mansion or even a good sized farmhouse.
4. If you find yourself in a city hall, newspaper office, or library looking through yellowing newsprint or dusty old books in your search for information on a mystery, YOU ARE IN GRAVE DANGER. Just leave the mystery unsolved and get the heck out of town.
5. If a seemingly-crazy old man warns you of danger, HE IS RIGHT. Heed his advice, incoherent though it may be.
6. You say you've found something strange (a dead body or a monster or some kind of clue to a mystery) and you want to show it to someone else? Don't bother. By the time you've fetched the other person, the thing you wanted to show them will be gone. ("I swear, it was right here! You think I'm crazy, don't you?")
7. If you live in a community which is being plagued by serial murders or monster attacks, DO NOT MAKE WEDDING PLANS. No proposals, no exchange of rings, no planning for the future, NOTHING!
8. MEN: Unless you are Yul Brynner, think twice about wearing a turtleneck. Especially a turtleneck with a sportcoat. The porn-star moustache is another accessory to shy away from. The turtleneck/sportcoat/mustache triple-play should only be attempted by professionals.
9. OLD GUYS: If you are in bed with your wife, and she keeps insisting there's a murderer either in your house or next door -- and you keep insisting she's imagining things -- SHE IS RIGHT. Call the cops, pronto.
10. Mental institutions are completely useless. Homicidal maniacs are frequently released to go on killing sprees, and the ones who aren't released can easily escape.
And one last bonus one:
11. The price for sex, of course, is death. Especially adulterous sex. There are no exceptions to the adultery rule. You cheat, you die. Simple as that. On a more general level, there is no such thing as redemption or forgiveness in a horror movie. Just vengeance. Lots of vengeance. |
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Sean
"Necrosphenisciform anthropophagist."
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Posted - 07/20/2009 : 07:06:27
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quote:
Originally posted by demonic
Fantastic Joe. The award for the most entertaining thread on FWFR for the last 12 months goes to....
My summer film project: 50 Chilling Classics!
Agreed. 
A thoroughly entertaining read, and it's made me want to watch some of these movies, but probably not them all.  |
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BaftaBaby 
"Always entranced by cinema."
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Posted - 07/20/2009 : 08:06:16
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Joe, what a sterling effort! And I didn't once have to hide behind the sofa! 
THANK YOU, JOE BLEVINS ... YAY!
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Chris C 
"Four words, never backwards."
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Posted - 07/20/2009 : 20:13:10
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Joe
Many thanks for an entertaining read - I've really enjoyed it, despite never having seen any of the films. I'm already looking forward to the next project.
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 07/20/2009 : 23:26:43
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quote:
Originally posted by BaftaBabe
Joe, what a sterling effort! And I didn't once have to hide behind the sofa!
THANK YOU, JOE BLEVINS ... YAY!
Thank you for the kind comments. Your post got me to thinking about something I hadn't really mentioned in this thread: are any of these movies actually scary? Overwhelmingly, the answer is no. Bad Taste is certainly disgusting, but even it is not "scary" in the "hide behind the sofa" sense.
A couple of the slashers, Scream Bloody Murder and especially Naked Massacre, are potentially very disturbing to certain viewers because they depict -- in detail and at length -- very cruel acts of violence which could conceivably occur. (The ones in Naked Massacre actually DID occur, more or less.) The vast majority of the films, however, are just spook-show silliness and would scare only very young and impressionable children. |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 07/20/2009 : 23:34:42
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quote:
Originally posted by Chris C
Joe
Many thanks for an entertaining read - I've really enjoyed it, despite never having seen any of the films. I'm already looking forward to the next project.
Thanks for reading. The next project should start as of tomorrow with a review of a Ross Hagen film called Click. (Not to be confused with the Adam Sandler film.)
As for the movies themselves, I'd say there are about 15 or 20 which people should see and might theoretically enjoy. I still don't regret having seen a single one of these flicks, not even the THREE directed by Bill Rebane.
Anyway, thanks to all for the kind comments, and I hope some of you follow the next project: AFTER DARK THRILLERS: 8 MOVIE COLLECTION. |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 07/23/2009 : 16:45:36
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Now that the 50 Chilling Classics project has been completed, I suppose it is now safe to own up to one curious habit I developed while watching these films. I commute to and from Chicago by train every day, so I have plenty of time to read, listen to music, or -- frequently -- just sit quietly and think. During these last few weeks, I would almost inevitably replay the movies I'd been watching in my mind, and somehow I started making up little songs about each movie by adding new lyrics to already-famous melodies borrowed from pop songs, TV themes, etc. I think I came up with little songs for just about every movie in the set. I occasionally thought about posting these along with the reviews, but I ultimately decided against it.
Anyway, I thought I'd share a few examples of these little ditties. Here are songs for all three of the Bill Rebane films.
"The Cold" (sung to "Heigh-Ho! Heigh-Ho!")
The cold, the cold!
What horrors shall unfold?
This old hotel's our private hell
And plus, it's really, really cold!
I'm told, three rich folks who are old
Will give some schmuck a million bucks
If he or she can stand the cold!
"Demons of Ludlow" (sung to "Werewolves of London")
Seen you snoopin' around that City Hall
Better not go on in
Creepy young lady got mutilated late last night
Demons of Ludlow again!
Ah-ooooooh! Demons of Ludlow!
Ah-ooooooh!
"The Alpha Incident" (sung to "The Addams Family")
The virus is a doozy
It makes your brain get oozy
Your head will go kabloozy
The Alpha Incident!
These folks are getting woozy
The hick, the nerd, the floozie
But they can't take a snoozy
The Alpha Incident!
So there you have a few. And, trust me, there are sooooooo many more. |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 07/26/2009 : 19:03:31
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Aw, heck, a few more selections from the 50 Chilling Classics Songbook:
"Medusa" (sung to the tune of "They Call the Wind Mariah")
Medusa!
Medusa!
They called this flick "Medusa"!
Way out here, we got some names
For flicks that just confuse ya
We call 'em duds, we call 'em bombs
They called this one... "Medusa"
George Hamilton's a playboy bum
Who's something of a boozer
He'll score at will, but then he'll kill
The chicks that he seduces
"War of the Robots" (sung to "Eye of the Tiger")
It's the... war of the robots
Yes, it's man versus droids
Shaping up as a battle for survival
If we can't beat those Go-Bots
Then we'll be unemployed
So I hope we do well in the waaaaaaaar... of the robots!
"Slashed Dreams" (sung to "Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This")
"Slashed Dreams" was made real cheap
Two young folks who think they're deep
Travel the woods over several reels
Til two punks come lookin' for trouble
One of 'em wants to abuse you
Other one wants to abuse you, too
One of 'em tries to contuse you
Both of 'em gonna get bruised by you
"Drive-In Massacre" (sung to "Drive My Car")
Asked my gal where she wanted to go
She said, Baby, don't you know?
"Let's go to the drive-in!"
That's just what she said
But that was the place where she lost her head
It's a drive-in massacre
Mutilations will occur
Look at what they did to her
Last night at the drive-in
Is this place creepy? Yeah!
Is this place creepy? Yeah!
"Oasis of the Zombies" (sung to "Midnight at the Oasis")
Zombies at the oasis
Been there since World War Two
Worms crawl out of their faces
Gracious!
We'd better say adieu!
"Cathy's Curse" (sung to "Cathy's Clown")
Don't want to liiiiiiiiiiiiive here anymore
This place is haaaaaaaaaaaunted, that's for sure
Move in by van
Move out by hearse
Here it cooooooooooooooomes, that's Cathy's Curse!
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Larry 
"Larry's time / sat merrily"
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Posted - 07/26/2009 : 22:40:29
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50 Chilling Classics Songbook:
BRILLIANT!! |
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damalc
"last watched: Sausage Party"
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Posted - 12/26/2010 : 03:22:12
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I got the 50 Horror Classics collection for Christmas. woo-hoo! i think my family was disappointed that i was more excited about that gift than any other, kinda like when i got the purple velvet-boxed Hendrix collection a few years ago.
i'm not planning to be as enterprising as Joe Blevins, but i have rental copies of "The Apostle" and "American History X" to watch and then i'm ready for hours and hours of horrifying bliss. |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 12/26/2010 : 23:31:31
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quote:
Originally posted by damalc
I got the 50 Horror Classics collection for Christmas. woo-hoo! i think my family was disappointed that i was more excited about that gift than any other, kinda like when i got the purple velvet-boxed Hendrix collection a few years ago.
i'm not planning to be as enterprising as Joe Blevins, but i have rental copies of "The Apostle" and "American History X" to watch and then i'm ready for hours and hours of horrifying bliss.
Awesome! Another 50 Chilling Classics convert! I hope you enjoy the set -- by which I mean enjoy suffering through through many hours of cheesy, low-budget horror schlock. I've heard that some versions of the boxed set have SLIGHTLY different line-ups due to rights issues, but I think you'll find at least 45 or so of the films I watched.
I'd be curious to learn if your copy of The Demon has the same weird audio issues as mine. On my copy, the film had obviously been videotaped over a compilation of THREE STOOGES shorts, and the Stooge audio could be clearly heard at several points in the film. But a friend of mine -- who actually owned this set before I did -- said his version of The Demon didn't have any "Nyuk nyuk nyuks" on the soundtrack.
P.S. - The Mill Creek Entertainment madness continued this Christmas. I got my Dad a 50-movie pack of old "B" Westerns. He's already started watching 'em. |
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damalc
"last watched: Sausage Party"
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Posted - 12/27/2010 : 18:27:56
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Joe Blevins, looks like we have a couple of different products from the same producer. you have "chilling" classics. i have "horror" classics. apparently "chilling" = cheesy.
the set i was given looks like it has its share of cheese but also has some films that are now held in high regard, including "Night of the Living Dead," "The Phantom of the Opera," "The Hunchback of Notre Dame," "Nosferatu," "The Little Shop of Horrors," and "Metropolis (horror?)."
either way, 50 movies is 50 movies.
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damalc
"last watched: Sausage Party"
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Posted - 01/03/2011 : 01:34:33
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OK, i said i wasn't going to comment on every film in my 50 collection but i watched the first one today and this set is promising.
the first film was "Carnival of Souls (1962)." proof that a good story and good acting don't need $100M worth of special effects or even color. genuinely creepy and clearly the ancestor of films like "Repulsion," "The Sixth Sense," "Black Swan," and, though i've never seen it, i think "Final Destination."
perhaps i'll have to start a thread for this one after all. |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 01/05/2011 : 02:48:51
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quote:
Originally posted by damalc
Joe Blevins, looks like we have a couple of different products from the same producer. you have "chilling" classics. i have "horror" classics. apparently "chilling" = cheesy.
the set i was given looks like it has its share of cheese but also has some films that are now held in high regard, including "Night of the Living Dead," "The Phantom of the Opera," "The Hunchback of Notre Dame," "Nosferatu," "The Little Shop of Horrors," and "Metropolis (horror?)."
either way, 50 movies is 50 movies.
Ah, you went the classy route! Nice. Me, I went right for the trashbin. |
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My summer film project: 50 Chilling Classics
